Archives: 2008 April

In an unexpected development after winning the Pennsylvania primary Hillary Clinton announced today that she was sick and tired of eating rubber chicken dinners and shaking hands and exchanging kisses with all of the American yahoos in Podunk towns across America and would end her campaign right here and now this very minute thank you very much.

Hillary said the the first order of business would be to get her $5,000,000 back that in a moment of desperation and poor judgement she had lend to her campaign. She said she was even willing to negotiate on the 20% interest rate that the recorded note carried and that only 19% might be acceptable. Hillary made one last appeal for donations to insure that she receives everything that is owned to her.

When her long time suffering husband, former President Bill Clinton, was asked about his wife’s withdrawal from the campaign all he could say was that he had given up long ago in trying to tell Hillary what to do. Mr Clinton went on to say that all he wanted for her was to find happiness and if that happiness was in some other location than in the same office where he had found so much happiness on a regular basis until he got exposed that was OK with him.

Leave it to Brittney Spears to find a new way to bring even more attention to herself by entering space. I mean really space, not spaced out.

Love her or hate her you should realize that she is one genius at self promotion. This time Brittney has paid the Russian Space Agency $20,000,000 to be on the next launch of the Russian supply rocket to the International Space Station.

While in space Brittney will perform for the entertainment of her fellow cosmonauts and for her billion or so fans back on planet earth. She figures at $10 a pop for a pay TV program even if only 100,000,000 fans pay the price that 100,000,000 x $10 will easily pay for her space trip and leave a decent profit for her to waste away anyway that she wants to. And she wants to. So there.

Brittney said she immediately thought of this neat gig after reading about all of the fun the first South Korean women astronaut had while under going a near death experience at 10 G’s of gravity during her almost out of control and fatal return to earth.

Being a fun loving adventurous soul Brittney Spears immediately sent the Russians a $20,000,000 check with instructions to hold it until she returned from her space gig as she was a little short of cash just now due to some serious crap she has had to recently deal with.