Category: Politicians

Hillary Clinton wins the West Virginia Democratic primary by a lopsided margin of more than 2 to 1 and immediately declared herself as the new Queen of the United States.

Clinton was heavily favored in West Virginia because of the redneck demographics of the state. The population is older, overwhelmingly white, heavily rural, and far less affluent and more poorly educated than in most other election 2008 states. Probably any other state.

In other words, Hillary has the greatest appeal to dumbed down voters who are stupid enough to believe her lies. In the exit polls many West Virgina voters were still saying that they were certainly glad that those nasty snipers in Bosnia were poor shots and missed their brave fighting woman even after firing multiple times.

When asked by stunned reporters why she used the word “Queen” when the United States has merely a President as the top elected official in the nation, Hillary stated that , “well la dee da. Once I’m seated in office there will be a Queen of the United States whether all of you ungrateful yahoos like it or not. You had best get used to it, you press corp losers. And you had better be voting for me or I’ll put Bill after you. You won’t stand a chance against that sly devil.”

Wow! Hillary promises to be a very tough President, errr, excuse me, Hillary, Queen.

In an announcement sure to shake up the political world in Washington, D.C. and elsewhere Barack Obama said today that one of the best known men in the world, Bono, of worldwide rock group U2 fame, had agreed to run as his Vice President running mate against old fuddy duddy John McCain and the Republican party.

When Obama was reminded that Bono was born and raised in Dublin, Ireland, and is an Irish citizen, Obama said that he had told everyone that when elected that change was coming and he thought making Ireland the 51st American State was a splendid idea that would be one of his first changes and that his “Free the Irish Bono Now Bill” would sail through congress. Barack said on record that since we have so many Irishmen running around the US on Saint Patrick’s Day he thought that bringing Ireland and Bono on board would be a hugely popular undertaking.

Political analysts and talking heads were at first stunned by this announcement but quickly recovered their composure and began to say what a brilliant move this was on the part of Obama. Bono is known and respected all over the world and just think about the impact that free U2 concerts in the Mid East, in Africa, in Europe, and in Asia would have in making friends and building alliances in the world.

After Hillary Clinton staked out hard working, lower class, blue collar, less educated, Americans as her prime target voter group in her desperate bid to still win the Democratic nomination for President the Barrack Obama campaign powers that be announced their new campaign initiative to offset Hillary’s efforts.

Obama said in a USA Today interview that if Hillary was determined to be the champion of hard working blue collar less educated Americans he would definitely target lazy white, white collar Americans who have college degrees and want more money and government handouts for doing less work. Obama opined that there are millions of these kind of people just waiting for a politician to promise them everything that they want.

According to Obama that is what the America dream is really about. Obama said this in a speech at the all white Lazy American Freedom From Work Convention held in New York City at the People’s Park (formerly Central Park), “I recognize that the American dream has changed a bit over the years and that lazy white well educated people such as you good folks want to work less and be entitled to more benefits paid for by the US government. I see nothing wrong with that as everyone knows that here in America we think it is cool to go to college and learn to think and to let other less fortunate foreign people sweat.”